When the Third Attempt at Therapy Became a Breakthrough

This was my third attempt at starting therapy. Previously, I felt that therapists didn’t understand me — especially on an intellectual level. If I sensed a lack of respect or mental connection, I knew I wouldn’t listen. This time, it was a crisis and a toxic relationship that pushed me toward therapy. The girl I was with recommended Regina, which already made me skeptical. I thought, “If she recommends her, then probably not.” And yet, I went.

Why Did a Rational Mind Trust the Therapist?
 

I was afraid that as someone with a PhD from a technical university — rational and deeply rooted in logic — I would quickly “bounce off” therapy again. But Regina surprised me. I “bought into it” because she is firmly grounded in reality and made a strong impression on me. The way she spoke was both precise and intellectually structured. That allowed me to enter the process, even though I walked into her office with a lot of hesitation.

I had previously seen two therapists and felt there was a huge disconnect — they simply couldn’t meet my way of thinking. But Regina has this ability to genuinely understand a man’s perspective.

Emotions, Sensitivity, and the Tangle of Patterns From Home

The main issues I came with weren’t limited to relationships. In the background were family dynamics, my high sensitivity, emotions I couldn’t manage, and the fact that I often didn’t understand what was happening inside me when something triggered me. I didn’t have high expectations for therapy, but I ended up staying for a long time. At some point, the therapeutic relationship shifted into something closer to mentoring. Now I’m in a different phase — I come once every three months, more for supervision. I feel great with myself, but I’m still looking for something “extra.”

Separating Personal Life From Professional Life

The most important change I noticed early on was learning to separate my personal life from my professional life. I stopped carrying my emotional states into my work. As a musician and producer working in a chaotic artistic environment, this was incredibly important for me. Before, everything was mixed together. Now I know that professionalism means the ability to not bring all of yourself into your work.

I don’t know exactly how it happened, because Regina never gives ready-made answers — she asks questions that lead you to your own conclusions. She shows the path so you can find the answer yourself. Self-discovery became a very fluid process for me.

Stability Instead of Extremes — A New Quality of Life

Therapy gives you a better life, but it can also change it so profoundly that it becomes an entirely different life. And a different life means different people you attract. Those who once found you interesting suddenly lose interest because you’re no longer operating from your old dysfunctions.

Therapy helped me understand myself; my life became more grounded, more stable — I realized that overthinking and hypersensitivity were destructive. The amplitude of my emotions is much smaller today.

It is a better life, but at the same time a more challenging one. The nature of my work involves constant contact with people functioning in very intense emotional states. They are often incredibly creative and sensitive individuals, but also dealing with major emotional fluctuations. I have to understand them, collaborate with them, and accompany them in their creative process, while staying grounded myself.

In the past, I completely identified with all of that. Today, I’m still part of this environment, but I have more distance and can look at everything more objectively. It’s not easy — but it’s necessary.

Relationships After Therapy: Red Flags, Selectivity, and More Mature Choices

Therapy also changed the way I see relationships. I never had trouble finding a partner, but they were always dysfunctional women. Now I see red flags immediately, and sometimes I feel like I’m living on a different planet because those dysfunctions are so obvious to me.

I’m sure I still have things to work through myself, but it looks completely different today — I have fewer relationships, but they are more conscious and healthier. And I know that this is exactly what’s best for me.

Someone once said that you can’t truly love someone until you learn to love yourself first. And that keeps me confident that sooner or later I will meet the right person.

The sentence from Regina that stayed with me the most is this: fire needs oxygen, but if you give it too much or pour gasoline on it — it explodes. It’s a metaphor for a healthy relationship — it’s about stability, care, and tending to the flame, not constant explosions.

Therapy didn’t just give me a better life — it gave me an entirely new one. And although I’m still doing a lot of inner work, I feel that I truly know who I am and what I want.